i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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