The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
