Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
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No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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