She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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