first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
