Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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