I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
