I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
