the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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