I want to walk on stilts...naked
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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