he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
