you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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