i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
