Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
