stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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