so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
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