Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
