I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
