i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
