I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
