Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
