OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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