the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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