I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
