This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
