If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
