I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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