forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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