You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
sarcasm needs its own font
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
