Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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