love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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