my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
