I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
