Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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