It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
where am i from again
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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