Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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