Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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