god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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