In the future we'll all be gay
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
