I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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