ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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