You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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