I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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