I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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