Small penises have feelings too.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
