Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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