I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
