he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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