The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
