Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
