That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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