for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
