Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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