Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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