I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
