its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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