I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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