Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
