That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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