dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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