with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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