Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I want to make a zoo with you.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
