and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
