I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
