people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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