Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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