I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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